Shatner recites Sarah Palin's poetic tweets

A few nights ago Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien and actor William Shatner boldly went to where no man has gone before--a place in which Sarah Palin's ramblings made sense.

Last night, the duo did it again. This time, Captain Kirk recited the tweets of the Quitter from Alaska. Tweets are short text messages on the social networking website Twitter.

The result speaks for itself. Enjoy.



I found quotes from Shatner somewhere in NBC's webpages. I never knew he was funny until the Priceline commercials. Turns out he's a riot.

"Star Trek was originally supposed to be a show about a bunch of rabbis in a synagogue. I said to the producers, 'instead of a synagogue, how about if the show is in outer space?' They said, 'okay.' That's pretty much how it happened."

"I tell people I have a 34-inch waist, but it's really 35."

"How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways."

Sources: NBC
Copyright © 2009, Primetime Oracle
All Rights Reserved

William Shatner channels Sarah Palin at Conan's

Funny man and Tonigh Show host Conan O'Brien (NBC photo)

Last night, Tonight Show host Conan O'Brien shared with us a revelation he had about the farewell "speech" (if you can call it that) former Gov. Sarah Palin delivered Sunday: it was meant to be a poem, he said. Ohhh...

In a fit of genius, he brought actor and master narrator William Shatner to illustrate the epiphany and perform a poetic interpretation of the infamous "speech."

Republicans will most likely disagree, but putting aside political views, when we look at Palin's speeches what we see is someone who can't speak coherently--regardless of topic, setting, time of day or astrological aspects.

She couldn't communicate effectively during the presidential campaign debates. She couldn't do interviews without chewing on a foot. She couldn't say much at press conferences without coming across as a bumbling asshole. Sorry friends, but she just can't speak.

After the disastrous stream-of-consciousness she vomited earlier this month when announcing she was quitting (story here), how could she be allowed near a microphone again? Didn't she and her aids watch a replay of the July 3 babble? How could there be an expectation of her delivering anything but yet another incoherent, self-indulgent, absurd "speech"?

She would've been better off stepping down quietly and with some dignity, if you ask me. But opting for doing that would require common sense, which apparently Palin and those advising her (if that's even possible) lack.

Instead, she eagerly went ahead and made a fool of herself with an impossible to follow "speech" full of disconnected tangents and ornamented language that even herself couldn't possibly understand. (Could she?) And once again the public was left wondering what the heck she was trying to say.

Her decision to not keep her mouth shut further tarnished her image, if you ask me. In yet another attempt to martyrize herself by blaming her resignation on the media and those launching ethics attacks on her (where there's smoke, there's fire...), she confirmed that pointing fingers is what she does best.

So here are Conan and Shatner doing what they do best--making us laugh instead of pulling our hair out. UPDATE: NBC just pulled the YouTube video because it wants you to see it--and the ads--on its website. I've embedded the one on NBC's website below. If it doesn't work, go here.



And here is the original text in Palin's "speech":

"And getting up here I say it is the best road trip in America soaring through nature's finest show. Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun. And then the extremes. In the winter time it's the frozen road that is competing with the view of ice fogged frigid beauty, the cold though, doesn't it split the Cheechakos from the Sourdoughs? And then in the summertime such extreme summertime about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers that are rushing and carving and reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins. It is as throughout all Alaska that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future. That is what we get to see every day. Now what the rest of America gets to see along with us is in this last frontier there is hope and opportunity and there is country pride."

And all I have to say about that is, WTF?!

For the full 2300-word transcript, click here -- if you have the stomach for it.

Copyright © 2009, Primetime Oracle
All Rights Reserved

Ahmadinejad shows signs of chronic disconnects

Amid protests against his visit, Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University in New York on September 24, 2007. (Photo by Stephen Chernin/AP)

I'm no expert on Iran issues--actually, I'm hardly at expert at anything--and I haven't been following the political career of Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but I feel compelled to point something out about him.

He has a really bad haircut. That's a problem, if you ask me.

Another problem is that he lies--a lot, and in the most blatant ways.

Last week at a presidential debate, Ahmadinejad told CNN's Chief International Correspondent Christiane Amanpour that Iran is "the most stable country in the world."

Right.

Could he be that ignorant or is he playing dumb?

Let's not forget this is the same guy who when asked about his country's mistreatment of homosexuals (during his speech at Columbia University in 2007) insisted that there are no gays in Iran--none--and that homosexuality is an American problem.

People in the audience laughed in his face, and the media had a field day with his outrageous remarks.

Whether he's completely deluded and out of touch with reality or he simply chooses to tell ridiculous lies that insult the intellect of others, is hard to say.

Perhaps he believes "I say it; therefore, it is."

Granted, all politicians lie, but Ahmadinejad doesn't even try to make his lies sound true.

Maybe he lacks the sophistication and experience of politicians in other countries who are better at lying, or maybe he doesn't give a fuck about the truth or being caught lying.

So while I lack the knowledge to offer an educated opinion about Iran's political development, common sense dictates that someone who is disconnected to what separates fact from fiction and who shows such disregard for honest or semi-honest communication is not someone one would want as a leader.

Common sense transcends expertise on any subject, if you ask me.

Letterman seriously sorry for 'bad' Palin joke

Late night talk-show host David Letterman. CBS photo

If Sarah Palin had a penis (as she secretly wishes), she would be feeling several inches longer today.

The maverick-wanna-be governor of Alaska has always struck me as somebody who thinks a bit too highly of herself, and bringing David Letterman to his knees can only feed that narcissism, if you ask me.

Sorry, I call it like I see it, and I saw more of Palin I would want to see in a lifetime during the presidential campaign and multiple debates last year. My mind's made up.

After a week of controversy over a joke he made in his show about one of Palin's daughters getting "knocked up" by a baseball player, Letterman said Monday it was a lousy joke, no matter how you cut it, and that he's sorry--for real.

Still, the late-night host insisted that what upset some people was the misconception over which of Palin's daughter the joke was about. He explained that the risque joke thought by some to have targeted Palin's underage daughter, Willow, was actually referring to 18-year-old daughter Bristol.

By the way, what's up with those names? The first one seems taken from a Lord of the Rings-like saga or Fleetwood Mac song, while the second one calls forth visions of a pink Pepto Bismol bottle or Bristol-Myers Squibb pills. Sorry my friends, but that's what these names do to me.

Letterman told viewers that it was "a coarse joke...a bad joke," noting, however, that he never thought it was about anybody other than the older daughter, "and before the show, I checked to make sure, in fact, that she is of legal age, 18."

What irks me about this situation is that it was Palin who assigned the joke to her younger daughter, not Letterman. She was the one who perverted the joke, wasn't she?

Clearly, the joke was about the older daughter, who got pregnant at 17 and had a baby. I can't help but think that Palin conveniently interpreted the joke to be about 14-year-old Willow just to use it as a springboard to make a big and calculated stink about jokes too liberal for her taste and, in her opinion, bad for American values.

Sarah Palin charged Letterman with "sexually perverted comments made by a 62-year-old male celebrity." And Todd Palin issued a statement last week that said "any 'jokes' about raping my 14-year-old are despicable."

Please tell me that people can see thought this bullshit. This right-wing ass--yes, IMO she proved she's an ass during her race to the White House--simply wants to get the liberal Letterman out of the way.

She couldn't win against Obama, so she's taking on a talk-show host. Lame.

Letterman said Monday: "I'm wondering, 'Well, what can I do to help people understand that I would never make a joke like this?' I've never made jokes like this, as long as we've been on the air, 30 long years."

If the joke had been aimed at a 14-year-old, "I would be upset myself," he added.

"It doesn't make any difference what my intent was, it's the perception," the late-night veteran told his audience. "And, as they say about jokes, if you have to explain the joke, it's not a very good joke...I take full blame for that. I told a bad joke. I told a joke that was beyond flawed, and my intent is completely meaningless compared to the perception. And since it was a joke I told, I feel that I need to do the right thing here and apologize for having told that joke. It's not your fault that it was misunderstood, it's my fault."

Uh...no Dave, it was her fault. Correct me if I'm wrong, was she or was she not the one who brought the younger daughter into the equation?

"So I would like to apologize, especially to the two daughters involved, Bristol and Willow, and also to the governor and her family and everybody else who was outraged by the joke. I'm sorry about it, and I'll try to do better in the future," he concluded.

Meanwhile, inspired by Palin, a conservative group is demanding CBS fire Letterman. Are you fucking kidding me?

*sigh*

Here's the thing: if the joke targeted my daughter, I wouldn't find it funny, so I can understand her indignation from that point of view. However, (a) I haven't chosen a public life, while she has pursued one relentlessly, (b) I don't have a daughter, so I can't truly relate, and (c) I don't care what she says, what I see is not a woman speaking from the point of view of a concerned mother but a politician hoping for a second change.

Source: The Associated Press, CNN, E! Online, US magazine
Copyright © 2009