Bubbly Palin quits Alaska via incoherent speech

Delivering the craziest--no kidding--speech I've ever heard any politician make, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin announced today she's resigning from office at the end of the month, giving as a reason nothing anyone could understand.

"Only dead fish go with the flow," Palin said.

WTF?

News anchors were at a loss, and journalists everywhere were frantically rewinding the tape over and over trying to figure out what the heck she said during a flash press conference unlike anything I've ever seen.

One CNN anchor said she seemed unprepared for her speech and questioned why given the significance of the occasion--resigning to a governor post--Palin didn't prepare a better speech.

Speaking at a hastily arranged press conference in the backyard of her lakefront home in Wasilla, Alaska, Palin said she loves Alaska and her job but did not give a reasonable explanation--that I could detect anywhere there in her speedy, disjointed speech--as to why she's stepping down, other than she hates the current administration and refuses to work with it.

She also didn't reveal what her plans are as non-governor, other than to say she can better serve Alaska off the helm...whatever that means.

She told many anecdotes that did nothing to help clarify any of her points. She jumped from one topic to another at light speed, using basketball and animal analogies, giving explanations without stating what she was explaining...OMG, it was nuts!

Listening to that was worse than sitting on first row heading down a 200-foot drop at a 90-degree angle on a roller coaster without a safety bar or seatbelt. Fuck! How much coffee does she drink? If I had to listen to that woman talk every day, I swear to god I would kill myself.

If I had to see the smirk on Palin's face on a daily basis, I would kill myself.

OK, just for fun I will try to write this post emulating her freakish ADD-ish speaking style without going off topic. But without going off topic I couldn't possibly do a written representation of that speech. That means all I can do is be as disorganized as possible while still communicating the intended message so that this post makes sense to you reading it. But then, I would be making a point, and if I do that, then I'm not copying her style.

I love trees and sunsets. There's nothing better than clear air and water.

Before the press conference, there was speculation that Palin would announce she would not run for re-election in 2012; no one expected her to quit.

Palin is resigning because millions of dollars and time are being wasted and will continue to be wasted if she continues to be Alaska's governor in the "current political environment."

"I cannot stand here as your governor and allow the millions of dollars and all that time go to waste just so I can hold the title of governor," she said, referring to the alleged impact of multiple ethics complaints against her, most of which have been dismissed.

I'm not saying that to sound like a champion of the environment, I just happen to love nature. I'm a tree-hugger--literally--but I'm not an environmentalist. Does that make sense?

She said something about being willing to work with people who respect the Constitution and not with a" government that has taken over."

Alrighty then, it's Obama's fault.

Ever noticed how Egyptians painted people as facing forward from the waist up and sideways from the waist down?

Sarah Palin hugs Alaska Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell after she announcing she would be stepping down as governor. (Robert DeBerry)

Palin said she has accomplished all she could as governor and would, therefore, pass on the baton to the lieutenant governor, whatever his name is, stressing resigning is what's best for the state.

"People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing is as important to me than the state of Alaska," she said.

"I promised four years ago that I would be showing my independence and there would be no more conventional politics as usual...." And your point is...what? Is Palin showing how independent she is by quitting midterm?

The maverick is gonna show them how it's done.

The left side of my lap top's keyboard heats up, burning the underside of my left wrist. I need to get something to put on that surface, something made of rubber or cloth, but it would have to have an adhesive on the bottom so it won't slide as I type. I think I'm hungry.

At some point in there, between breaths, Palin bragged about her success as governor (which must be why she's quitting, because she was so successful), listing project after project she spearheaded. Then she went on and on about Alaska's resources.

"God gives us energy...oil...gas...petroleum," something about the natural gas pipe, pizza, tacos.

In other words, since the democrats won't allow drilling in Alaska, Palin is taking off.

If there was a way to travel to the center of the Earth, I would go even if there was a 99% chance I would not be returning--same with outer space. I love the 1959 film "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The young man said he wasn't having dinner that night because it was Tuesday. I'll never forget the giant mushrooms halfway between the planet's surface and its core.

Palin made no pauses between her sub-topics or points she was trying to (was she?) make during the motormouth speech. She also smirked throughout--as usual. I hate that. I can't tell you how much I hate that.

Right: Sarah Palin at the news conference on Friday afternoon. (Robert DeBerry/The Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman via AP)

She complained about the media not reporting "the good stuff."

Alrighty then--it's the media's fault.

Palin said her life changed on Aug 29 last year when Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz, chose her as running mate in a highly contested race to the White House, a race they lost. She pointed out that a lot of resources have been spent to weather numerous media and political attacks since then, and that it has been a waste of "precious" time and funds.

"It isn't fair to Alaskans," she said.

When I was a kid, I loved precious stones. As a matter of fact, my first career choice was geologist. I was always looking for these stones--around my house, in school...--expecting to find an amethyst or emerald somewhere. What a dunce.

"I choose for my state and for my family more freedom to progress...not from the governor's desk...[now she talked about laying ducks]...I'm not going to put Alaska through that...I'm determined to take the right path for Alaska even though it's not in the most conventional or comfortable way...," Palin added to whatever she said before, then she talked about fish before going back to ducks.
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"Many just accept that lame duck status, and they hit that road. They draw a paycheck. They kind of milk it. And I'm not going to put Alaskans through that," she said.

My friend Walter is crazy about ducks, loves to feed them.

The 45-year-old mother of five children said her family weighed heavily in her decision.

"I polled the most important people in my life, my kids, where the count was unanimous," she said. "Well, in response to asking, 'Hey, you want me to make a positive difference and fight for all our children's future from outside the governor's office?' It was four yeses and one 'Hell, yeah!" And the 'Hell, yeah' sealed it."

Ugh.

"We just gotta put first things first...I love my job and I love Alaska, and I'm doing what is best for Alaska," she said again. "There's no more politics as usual."

You know what I think? I thing Palin was happy to be governor while there was a Republican in the White House but not with a Democrats there.

It's her way, or now way.

Palin is dumping the state she says she loves claiming it's best for the people while at the same time elevating herself to some higher plane. If you're so great, why aren't you what is best for the state?

Pinocchio politics.

Word is she's working on one or more book deals and more lucrative projects, and governing just gets in the way, especially given the puny $125,000 a year salary. There's also speculation that Palin plans to run for president on 2012. Don't Republicans look down on quitters?

If you ask me, Palin is playing the martyr, encouraging her fans to hate Obama more than ever for "making our beloved governor quit."

Um...nobody made her do it.

OMG, David Letterman! Letterman made her do it!

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