North Korea ups bully nuclear rhetoric

South Korean protesters burn a North Korean flag during a rally denouncing American journalists detained in North Korea, at a park in Seoul, South Korea, June 9. (AP Photo/Ahn Young-joon)

North Korea said Tuesday it would use nuclear weapons in a "merciless offensive" if provoked--its latest rhetoric apparently aimed at deterring any international punishment for its recent atomic test blast, AP/CBS News reported.

"Our nuclear deterrent will be a strong defensive means...as well as a merciless offensive means to deal a just retaliatory strike to those who touch the country's dignity and sovereignty even a bit," stated a commentary carried by the official Korean Central News Agency.

The current state of affairs reminds me of Bullies in the Sky, the headline of the first N. Korea story I reluctantly posted long before this mickey mouse trial and bogus conviction. At the time, I didn't even know about the arrests. If I had known, I wouldn't have gone out of my way to be so nice to N. Korea and its large tiny-dick male population.

My friends, my fans, my benefactors (there I go talking to myself again...): if you didn't understand the meaning of this blog's name, now you should.

The statement comes as the families of two American journalists sentenced to 12 years in a North Korean labor prison urged it's hard-line government to grant them clemency, amid hopes the U.S. government would send an envoy to negotiate their release.

Regarding journalists Euna Lee, 36, and Laura Ling, 32, it is possible North Korean President Kim Jong Il will "return to a nuclear freeze and the journalists would be freed if the U.S. and the U.N. present a package of incentives," CBS News Foreign Affairs Analyst Pamela Falk reported.

"Fourteen years ago, Kim Jong Il released a downed American pilot less than a week after President Clinton agreed to ship $2.5 billion in U.S. aid and oil," Falk reported. "North Korea is looking for concessions, and the Obama administration is presented with the same box as was President Bill Clinton and President George W. Bush--but now the government of Kim Jong Il is getting closer to being able to deliver a nuclear weapon and the stakes are higher."

CBS News correspondent Barry Petersen reports that Washington's options for negotiating with the communist regime are limited. The U.S. doesn't even have an embassy in the North, and now there is concern for the health of the two women.

The families' statement noted that Ling has a serious medical condition, a reference to her ulcer, and that Lee's 4-year-old daughter is showing "signs of anguish over the absence of her mother."

Lee and Ling, who work for former Vice President Al Gore's Current TV, were arrested March 17 near the China-North Korea border where they were reporting about the trafficking of women. It's unclear whether they tried to sneak into the North or if aggressive border guards crossed into Chinese territory and grabbed them, as has happened before.

Sources: The Associated Press, CBS News
Copyright © 2009

Tiny men with tiny dicks sentence U.S. journalists to 12 years in labor prison

Unbelievable, though expected.

I've been merciless with North Korea since my first story here about the missiles the communist country recently launched (Bullies in the Sky, May 27), so what can I possibly say now that these pricks have decided to show us how remarkably powerful they are by...

...harnessing the power of the Earth's core? Nope. Being the architects of world peace? Nope. Ending malaria and hunger in third-world countries? Nope. Building spaceships that can travel to distant galaxies free from the constraints of light speed? Nope. Jailing two female U.S. journalists for unspecified "grave crimes? Yup.

Yes, North Korea's top court has convicted reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee of "hostile acts" (what acts?) against the nation and illegally crossing into the North, and sentenced them to 12 years in labor prison, the country's state news agency reported Monday according to an AP report. Even rapists don't get that many years. WTF?

So we still don't know what "grave crime" or "hostile acts" they allegedly committed, and we still don't have proof that indeed they had crossed the border. So what did the prosecutors and judges do during this "trial"? Scratch their tiny balls with their pencils?

Lee (on the left) and Ling (right) cannot appeal as they were tried in North Korea's highest court where decisions are final. Nice touch.

"The trial confirmed the grave crime they committed against the Korean nation and their illegal border crossing as they had already been indicted and sentenced each of them to 12 years of reform through labor," state-run KCNA news agency said according to a BBC report.

The sentences are much harsher than what many observers had hoped for--which proves that observing and hoping in such cases is...let's see...useless?

The June 4-8 trial was not open to the public or to foreign observers. You know what? That's bullshit. Who's to say the little men with flimsy tiny dicks weren't playing Scrabble or some Korean card game while in the courtroom those four days?

The U.S. Embassy in Seoul said it had no immediate comment, AP reported.

The two journalists were arrested March 17 on the China-North Korean border while working on a report about the trafficking of women. It's unclear if they strayed into the North or were grabbed by aggressive border guards who crossed into China. The circumstances of the arrest have been shrouded in secrecy, as is typical of the reclusive nation, AP reported.

Some believe N. Korea will use the two women as bargaining chips in its standoff with South Korea and the U.S., which are pushing for U.N. sanctions to punish the nation for its latest nuclear blast and barrage of missile tests. We'll see...

The women's families have appealed for clemency and asked Pyongyang and Washington not to link the case to the current diplomatic stand-off between them, BBC reported.

I certainly hope--though hoping is futile, doing...doing is what it will take, except I'm not the one to do it--that it's not too late for someone more powerful, in other words, someone with a real dick, such as Hillary, to make a difference in this case. A minimum number of inches should be required to run a country, if you ask me.

Sources: The Associated Press, BBC, My Twisted Mind
Copyright © 2009

N. Korea might be using journalists to bargain

Ugh.

North Korea again.

Not my cup of tea, to say the least.

All week we've been hearing about the U.S. journalists North Korea arrested on March 17 while they were at the border of China and N. Korea reporting on the trafficking of women.

American TV reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee have been accused of illegally entering North Korea and unspecified "hostile acts." To this day we don't know whether they actually strayed into the North or were grabbed by border guards who crossed into China. Surely we can't expect N. Korea to be specific about the exact location and the so-called hostile acts--that would be totally unfair. Perhaps the women were chewing gum or wearing lipstick, and detaining them was matter of national security. Or maybe they had the audacity of asking why they were being arrested, which would no doubt be interpreted as a hostile act by phallocentric men with tiny dicks.

*sigh* As you must know by now, I have no patience for N. Korea and its bullying tactics.

Pyongyong, N. Korea's capital city, has yet to publicly announce the exact charges against the journalists, but South Korean legal experts say that a conviction for "hostility" (whatever this hostility is) or espionage (are you fucking kidding me?) could mean five to 10 years in a labor camp. Great.

N. Korea's latest wanna-be bold move was to announce the two journalists were about to go on trial and then sort of check out of the airwaves.

The "news blackout," as AP calls it, could mean the journalists are being used as "bargaining chips." The North might be dragging out their trial as the communist leadership waits to see what kind of sanctions Washington and the U.N. use to punish the nation for its latest nuclear blast and barrage of missile tests last week, AP reported Saturday.

So am I to understand that N. Korea is terrorizing these women and their families, not to mention the U.S., to avoid a UN spanking? Yet more proof of the lack of testicles evidently prevalent among North Koreans. These undated photos show Laura Ling, right, and Euna Lee, who have been imprisoned in North Korea since March. (AP Photo/Yonhap)

Koh Yu-hwan, a North Korean expert at Dongguk University in Seoul, said Pyongyang will likely free the reporters and treat their release as a goodwill gesture (goodwill my ass) that should be reciprocated with a special U.S. envoy visiting the isolated state, AP reported. "It shows how the North makes political judgments, which have nothing to do with laws," Koh said.

Yeah, they're probably expecting a Nobel Peace price for releasing the journalists. Ugh.

The criminal proceedings were supposed to begin two days ago, but instead the "secretive" nation's news agency today filed stories about Sweden's king, American "warmongers" and Syrian Embassy workers helping North Korean farmers weed bean fields. Are we supposed to be panicking now? Penis-less bullying.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Friday she was "incredibly concerned" about the plight of the two women, AP reported. In working for their release, Clinton said she has spoken with foreign officials with influence in North Korea and explored the possibility of sending an envoy to the North, but suggested that no one would be sent during the trial. I say we send them penile implants.

U.S. officials and others working for the reporters' release have said they've received no information about the defendants and even lacked independent confirmation about whether the trial has started, AP reported. The North has said the proceedings wouldn't be open to foreign observers, including Swedish officials who act as Washington's proxy in Pyongyang because the two countries do not have diplomatic ties. Well, of course not. Opening the proceedings to anyone but themselves is an outrageous expectation and, again, would be totally unfair.

If found guilty, the women won't be allowed to appeal because the case is being heard in Pyongyang's high court, where decisions are final, said Choi Eun-suk, a professor on North Korean legal affairs at the Institute for Far Eastern Studies at Kyungnam University in South Korea, AP reported. Isn't that convenient? It would also be convenient to send the much-needed penile implants aboard a long-range missile.

Choi said the reporters would likely be sentenced to more than five years but less than 10 years in a labor prison, AP reported. Then the negotiations with the U.S. would begin, he said. Then? Then the negotiations would begin? Are you fucking kidding me? Well, of course! The bargaining chip would be much bigger and valuable after a conviction.

Reportedly, that's how previous trials for Americans played out, according to the report. The most recent one involved Evan C. Hunziker, a man with alcohol, drug and legal problems. Apparently acting on a drunken dare, he swam across the Yalu River, which marks the North's border with China, and was arrested after farmers found the man, then 26, naked. He was accused of spying and detained for three months before being freed after negotiations with a special U.S. envoy. Yes, he was spying fish and bugs in the river.

In other words, anyone and everyone who for whatever reason ends up on N. Korea automatically is a spy. Phallocentric and paranoid little men with tiny dicks.

The N. Koreans wanted Hunziker to pay a $100,000 criminal fine but eventually agreed on a $5,000 payment to settle a bill for a hotel where he was detained. How gracious of them.

In another case, Venezuelan poet Ali Lameda was sentenced to 20 years in a labor camp in 1967 when he was working as a translator in Pyongyang. And guess what--he, too, was a spy! N. Korea charged him with spying, sabotage and infiltration, according to the AP report. During the one-day trial, it didn't present any evidence, formal charges or specific allegations but demanded Lameda confess his guilt. And get this: a defense lawyer was assigned to him, but the attorney gave a long speech praising the late North Korean leader Kim Il Sung before suggesting his client be sentenced to 20 years (WTF!!). Lameda was released after six years.

I may know diddly squat about N. Korea and its relations with the rest of the world, but if anything happens to those two journalists, the shit is going to hit the fan, and those dimwits can kiss their implants (and only hope to resemble real men) goodbye, if you ask me.

Sources: The Associated Press, My Twisted Mind
Copyright © 2009