N. Korea frees 2 U.S. journalists after Clinton trip

Former President Bill Clinton and North Korea's leader Kim Jong-il pose for a picture in Pyongyang in this photo released by North Korean official news agency KCNA Aug 4. Talk about stiff...

SEOUL (Reuters) - North Korea released two jailed American journalists on Tuesday after a visit from former U.S. President Bill Clinton in the highest-level U.S. contact with Pyongyang since Clinton was president nearly a decade ago.

UPDATE: A spokesperson for former President Bill Clinton on Tuesday confirmed that he and the two U.S. journalists who have been freed in North Korea, have left the country. "President Clinton has safely left North Korea with Laura Ling and Euna Lee. They are en route to Los Angeles where Laura and Euna will be reunited with their families," Matt McKenna said in a statement. They are scheduled to arrive in Los Angeles Wednesday morning.

North Korea's KCNA news agency said North Korean leader Kim Jong-il had issued a "special pardon" to the two journalists, Euna Lee and Laura Ling of U.S. media outlet Current TV, which was co-founded by Clinton's vice president, Al Gore.

The two journalists were arrested on the North Korea-China border in March and accused of illegal entry. A North Korean court sentenced both of them last month to 12 years of hard labor for what it called grave crimes.

Photos of journalists Laura Ling (left) and Euna Lee displayed during a public vigil in San Francisco, June 24.

There were immediate questions about what Clinton had discussed with Kim beyond the fate of the two reporters during a visit that gave Kim what he craved -- direct U.S. attention and a visit from a highly placed emissary.

The news agency insisted that Clinton "courteously conveyed a verbal message of U.S. President Obama expressing profound thanks for this and reflecting views on ways of improving the relations between the two countries."

The White House had denied that Clinton carried any sort of message from Obama, but Obama officials otherwise remained silent while awaiting the diplomatic negotiations to unfold.

Clinton, husband of U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, was the highest-level American to visit the reclusive communist state since his secretary of state, Madeleine Albright, went there in 2000.

He was greeted warmly on his arrival and had what KCNA described as an "exhaustive conversation" over dinner with Kim and his top aides.

Former President Bill Clinton is welcomed with flowers upon his arrival at Sunan airport in Pyongyang.

The North Koreans immediately sought to put their stamp on what they felt had happened during Clinton's visit.

"Clinton expressed words of sincere apology to Kim Jong Il for the hostile acts committed by the two American journalists against the DPRK after illegally intruding into it. Clinton courteously conveyed to Kim Jong Il an earnest request of the U.S. government to leniently pardon them and send them back home from a humanitarian point of view," KCNA said.

Obama adviser David Axelrod had told MSNBC that Clinton was on a "private humanitarian mission" and that "I don't think it's related to other issues."

KCNA attempted to portray the visit in terms of what was possible in the future, saying Clinton's visit would "contribute to deepening the understanding between the DPRK and the U.S. and building the bilateral confidence."

Side Benefit?

Clinton's visit could have a side benefit of improving the atmosphere between the United States and North Korea that could restart talks on Pyongyang's nuclear weapons.

North Korea's chief nuclear negotiator, Kim Kye-gwan, was among those greeting Clinton, whose administration was believed to have been close to agreement with the North before he turned over power to George W. Bush in 2001.

Many analysts predicted Pyongyang would use the journalists as leverage to wring concessions from Washington, which sought to place U.N. sanctions on the North for a May nuclear test.

Clinton's trip followed months of military provocations by the impoverished North, which has turned its back on negotiations with regional powers, including the United States and China, to convince it to give up ambitions to build an atomic arsenal.

In Washington, Republican Senator Lindsey Graham said it was not clear whether Clinton had been authorized to discuss policy issues.

"It would be nice if it's the foundation for a better relationship," Graham, a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, told NBC's "Today Show."

People watch a news program at a railway station in Seoul, reporting former President Bill Clinton's visit to North Korea Aug 4.

Yun Duk-min of the Institute of Foreign Affairs and National Security in Seoul said the visit held out the possibility of "a dramatic turnaround by North Korea that could lead to a new phase of negotiations."

Wrong Signals

It was the second time a former U.S. president went to North Korea to try to defuse a crisis. Former President Jimmy Carter flew there in 1994 when tensions were running high, again over the North's nuclear weapons program.

Carter helped broker a deal at that time in which Pyongyang suspended construction of a 50-megawatt plutonium reactor in exchange for heating oil and other energy aid.

One analyst said Clinton's visit was rewarding North Korea's "bad behavior."

Clinton's arrival coincided with mounting speculation over succession in Asia's only communist dynasty. Several reports suggest an increasingly frail-looking Kim Jong-il, 67, has settled on his third son to take over.

"It's just what they (North Korea's leaders) need," said B.R. Myers, an expert on the North's state ideology at the South's Dongseo University.

(Additional reporting by Yoo Choonsik in Seoul, Lucy Hornby in Beijing, David Morgan and Ross Colvin in Washington; Writing by Steve Holland; Editing by Patricia Wilson and Peter Cooney)

Source: Reuters, BNO

Obama to N. Korea: 'our military is fully prepared'

President Barack Obama sits for an exclusive interview with CBS News' Harry Smight. (CBS photo)

All last week we heard that North Korea is preparing for a long-range missile test next month, possibly launching a rocket in the direction of Hawaii.

In an exclusive interview with CBS News' Harry Smith, scheduled to air on The Early Show Monday, Obama said his administration and the U.S. military are fully prepared for any contingencies and that the international community is united against N. Korea's provocative actions (bullying).

During the politically correct interview, there was no mention of tiny dicks.

Below is an excerpt:

Harry Smith: North Koreans have basically said that their intention is to fire a missile toward Hawaii on or about the 4th of July. Secretary Gates has said there has been a military adjustment and to watch out for something like that happening. But beyond the sanctions and beyond the isolation that has already been tried, what has to happen to get North Korea to at least act like they're part of the community of nations?

President Obama: Well, first of all, let's be clear. This administration--and our military--is fully prepared for any contingencies. And-

Harry Smith: Is that a warning of a military response?

President Obama: No. It's just we are prepared for any contingencies. I don't want to speculate on hypotheticals. But I do want to give assurances to the American people that the T's are crossed and the I's are dotted in terms of what might happen. More broadly, I think the international community has spoken.

When you've got Russia and China as well as South Korea and Japan, the United States, the entire Security Council--saying unequivocally that North Korea has violated international law, that--and, and is willing to impose tougher sanctions -

Harry Smith: They're still defiant, though.

President Obama: Well, [what] that sends a signal, though, is of a unity in the international community that we haven't seen in quite some time. And one of the things that we have been very clear about is that North Korea has a path towards rejoining the international community. And we hope they take that path. What we're not going to do is to reward belligerence and provocation in the way that's been done in the past.

The N. Koreans will probably wipe their butts with anything Obama--or anyone--says, or use it against him somehow, as bullies do.

There's unity in the international community now, but where the rubber meets the road, who do you think will get stuck fighting these fuckers on its own?

Source: CBS News

Colin Powell on Iran fallout

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell said Saturday he's sure Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Defense Secretary Robert Gates and President Obama "can handle it" and "will work their way through it," referring both to Iran and North Korea.

Responding to a reporter's question, he said he has bee in touch with all three, noting that they know each other well and that he will continue to be available to them if they wish to talk to him about the current state of affairs.

When asked if he had a message for Clinton, who's recovering from surgery to repair a fractured elbow following a fall earlier this week, he said: "Take it slow--don't push your recovery."

I just caught the end of a CNN live broadcast, so I hope to have more info in a bit.

Source: CNN

Bullies in the water--U.S. tracks North Korean ship

Right: The U.S. military is tracking the North Korean ship shown here, called the Kang Nam. (Fox News photo)

The U.S. military is preparing for a possible intercept of a North Korean flagged ship suspected of proliferating weapons material in violation of a U.N. Security Council resolution, several news outlets reported Friday.

The N. Korean-flagged ship, identified as the Kang Nam, has carried "proliferation materials" in the past and is known to be a "repeat offender," CNN reported.

The USS John McCain destroyer is positioning itself in case it gets orders to intercept the Kang Nam as soon as it leaves the vicinity off the coast of China, Fox reported citing a senior U.S. defense official.

The U.N. resolution does not allow forcible boarding of a suspect N.Korean ship but allows for a permission request to search it, UPI reported. The resolution also allows for any country where the suspect ship docks to inspect it for any illicit items.

At a news conference Thursday, Adm. Michael Mullen, chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, said the U.S. would not forcibly board a N. Korean ship but would request permission to search it or press for its inspection at any port where it stops. He did not mention the ship's name.

An official who spoke to Reuters on condition of anonymity said the N. Korea-based ship became "a subject of interest" after leaving a N. Korean port on Wednesday. The ship appears to be heading toward Singapore, Fox reported citing the senior U.S. military source.

The Kang Nam is the first ship to be monitored under the U.N. sanctions adopted last week after N. Korea raised tensions by test-firing missiles, restarting a plant to produce arms-grade plutonium, and conducting a nuclear test.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates said Washington is also concerned about the possibility of N. Korea firing off more missiles, possibly in the direction of Hawaii, between July 4 and July 8.

"Without telegraphing what we will do, I would just say we are in a good position, should it become necessary, to protect American territory," he said.

In recent weeks, N. Korea has raised tensions in North Asia, responsible for one-sixth of the global economy, with missile launches, threats to attack the South, and the May 25 nuclear test that led to U.N. sanctions.

N. Korean companies might get blacklisted

Meanwhile, a U.N. sanctions committee is considering blacklisting more N. Korean companies and individuals for supporting its nuclear and missile programs, Reuters reported. The 15-nation Security Council gave the committee 30 days from last Friday to add new names to the sanctions list.

The sanctions are intended to target only companies and individuals that are connected to Pyongyang's nuclear weapons and missile programs. The committee blacklisted three North Korean firms in April for aiding those programs.

North Korea responded by saying it would take "firm military action" if the U.S. and its allies tried to isolate it.

Are they asking for it or what?

Did or did we not see this coming?

First were the bullies in the sky, now the water. What's next--land?

The shit is going to hit the fan if these fuckers continue heading in this direction without any indication of slowing down.

WTF are they doing? Why? And why now?

Surely they must have their reasons and a long-term plan that these tactics are serving, that is, unless they're total dunces acting 100% on impulse. As much as I don't want to give them any credit, I must admit I doubt that's the case.

I don't know enough about N. Korea (somebody please help me!) to even try to speculate about the political motives and what role this ship is playing in the bullies' scheme, but y'all know what I think is at the core of their angst. Do I need to say it again?

Fine. Tiny dicks.

Sources: Reuters, UPI, CNN, Fox News
Copyright © 2009

Obama vows U.S. will protect South Korea from North's nuclear threats

President Obama and South Korean leader Lee Myung Bak head for a news briefing at the White House on Tuesday in which they vowed to make North Korea think twice about its nuclear threats. (Alex Wong, Getty Images)

President Obama vowed Tuesday to protect South Korea from North Korea's nuclear threats, and end the North's longtime habit of firing off test missiles to win economic assistance, USA Today reported late Tuesday.

Obama said that, in recent years, N. Korea's provocations have been "rewarded" as Western countries offered fuel, food and loans in exchange for promises of good behavior that are eventually broken.

"We are going to break that pattern," Obama said after a White House meeting with South Korean President Lee Myung Bak. Obama told reporters assembled in the Rose Garden that N. Korea "will not find security or respect through threats and illegal weapons."

Lee, via a translator, said he is less fearful of a North Korean attack because of a "new plateau" of support with the U.S.

"When they look at the firm partnership and alliance that we have between our two countries, they will think twice about taking any measures that they will regret," Lee said.

The two leaders were less united with regard to a long-stalled free-trade agreement. Obama said officials are trying to work out differences over terms of trade for Korean beef and American cars.

Lee's visit came after weeks of aggressive actions by North Korea. They include a nuclear test, missile tests, the arrest of two American journalists and renewed threats against South Korea.

Sources: USA Today
Copyright © 2009

N. Koreans wave uranium-enriched tiny dicks

I'm definitely not in the mood for this, but I can't blow it off. How can we ignore words like uranium and plutonium--right?

It's not that I don't take the prospect of a nuclear war seriously; it's just that I think N. Korea is a bully with a runaway mouth. All it would take is one definite offensive move toward them, and they would crap their pants...if you ask me.

Nevertheless, you never know--right? Some trigger-happy or color-blind dude over there could press the red button instead of the green one and, poof, there we goes the world.

But this Oracle doesn't see that happening anytime soon.

Anyway...here's the latest on this model of democracy's bullying campaign.

North Korea responded to new U.N. sanctions with more defiance, promising Saturday to step up its nuclear bomb-making program by enriching uranium and threatening war on any country that dares to stop its ships on the high seas, AP reported.

North Korean officials with tiny dicks said they were enriching uranium and would weaponize all plutonium, according to KCNA, the state-run North Korean news agency, as reported by CNN.

The North's threats were the first public acknowledgment that the reclusive communist nation has been running a secret uranium enrichment program. Suspicions of the program touched off the latest nuclear crisis in 2002, AP reported.

The country also vowed never to give up its nuclear ambitions as a way to protect its sovereignty amid signs of preparations for naming its ailing leader Kim Jong Il's youngest son, Jong Un, as his successor.

"It has become an absolutely impossible option for [North Korea] to even think about giving up its nuclear weapons," the North's Foreign Ministry said in a statement carried by the country's official Korean Central News Agency, AP reported.

N. Korea also warned that any attempted blockade by the U.S. and its allies would be regarded as "an act of war and met with a decisive military response."

When enriched to a high degree, uranium can be used for weapons-grade material; plutonium can be used in atomic bombs.

N. Korea is believed to have about 110 pounds of plutonium, enough for a half dozen bombs, Yoon Deok-min, a professor at South Korea's state-run Institute of Foreign Affairs and National Security said according to the AP report. Reprocessing 8,000 spent nuclear fuel rods stored at N. Korea's Yongbyon nuclear complex could yield an additional 18 to 22 pounds of plutonium—enough to make at least one more atomic bomb, he said.

The U.N. Security Council voted for a resolution imposing sanctions against N. Korea.

The U.N. Security Council unanimously voted Friday to expand and tighten sanctions on N. Korea after the nation's recent nuclear test. The 15-0 vote on U.N. Resolution 1874 imposes an embargo on the shipment of arms from the communist regime and broadens a ban on the import of weapons, CNN reported.

"No matter how hard the U.S.-led hostile forces may try all sorts of isolation and blockade, the DPRK [Democratic People's Republic of Korea], a proud nuclear power, will not flinch from them," KCNA said. Democratic my ass.

The resolution comes amid rising tension surrounding N. Korea, which last month conducted a nuclear test, fired test rockets and threatened U.S. and South Korean ships near its territorial waters. It strengthens provisions already in U.N. Resolution 1718, passed in 2006, but there are also new provisions in the resolution, said Susan E. Rice, U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

The new resolution requires states to "exercise vigilance" over the direct or indirect supply, sale or transfer to North Korea of small arms or light weapons, CNN reported.

The sanctions are aimed at depriving N. Korea of the financing used to build its rogue nuclear program. The resolution authorizes searches of N. Korean ships suspected of transporting illicit ballistic missile and nuclear materials, and prohibits nations from providing bunkering services, such as fuel, to N. Korean ships believed to be carrying contraband.

Late last month, two Defense Department officials said U.S. satellite imagery spotted "vehicle activity" at a N. Korean ballistic missile facility. The officials said the images showed vehicles used to transport Taepodong-2 missiles, but no missile parts. The Taepodong-2 is a long-range missile North Korea tested in April, CNN reported.

That test showed a significant improvement in range from N. Korea's initial long-range missile test in 2006.

This week, a U.S. official who was not authorized to speak on the record told CNN that Washington had "indications" that North Korea may be planning another test. The official would not provide any details, CNN reported.

U.S. President Barack Obama's special envoy to N. Korea, Stephen Bosworth, called "simply groundless" accusations by Pyongyang that its nuclear and rocket tests were in response to American aggression.

Despite repeated assurances from Washington, N. Korea has harbored deep-rooted suspicions that the U.S. could invade to topple its regime, AP reported. Washington officials have said the U.S. wants N. Korea to return to nuclear negotiations with the U.S., China, South Korea, Japan and Russia, known as the six-party talks.

Are we past talks?

Sources: CNN, The Associated Press, Getty Images, My Twisted Mind
Copyright © 2009

North Korea ups bully nuclear rhetoric

South Korean protesters burn a North Korean flag during a rally denouncing American journalists detained in North Korea, at a park in Seoul, South Korea, June 9. (AP Photo/Ahn Young-joon)

North Korea said Tuesday it would use nuclear weapons in a "merciless offensive" if provoked--its latest rhetoric apparently aimed at deterring any international punishment for its recent atomic test blast, AP/CBS News reported.

"Our nuclear deterrent will be a strong defensive means...as well as a merciless offensive means to deal a just retaliatory strike to those who touch the country's dignity and sovereignty even a bit," stated a commentary carried by the official Korean Central News Agency.

The current state of affairs reminds me of Bullies in the Sky, the headline of the first N. Korea story I reluctantly posted long before this mickey mouse trial and bogus conviction. At the time, I didn't even know about the arrests. If I had known, I wouldn't have gone out of my way to be so nice to N. Korea and its large tiny-dick male population.

My friends, my fans, my benefactors (there I go talking to myself again...): if you didn't understand the meaning of this blog's name, now you should.

The statement comes as the families of two American journalists sentenced to 12 years in a North Korean labor prison urged it's hard-line government to grant them clemency, amid hopes the U.S. government would send an envoy to negotiate their release.

Regarding journalists Euna Lee, 36, and Laura Ling, 32, it is possible North Korean President Kim Jong Il will "return to a nuclear freeze and the journalists would be freed if the U.S. and the U.N. present a package of incentives," CBS News Foreign Affairs Analyst Pamela Falk reported.

"Fourteen years ago, Kim Jong Il released a downed American pilot less than a week after President Clinton agreed to ship $2.5 billion in U.S. aid and oil," Falk reported. "North Korea is looking for concessions, and the Obama administration is presented with the same box as was President Bill Clinton and President George W. Bush--but now the government of Kim Jong Il is getting closer to being able to deliver a nuclear weapon and the stakes are higher."

CBS News correspondent Barry Petersen reports that Washington's options for negotiating with the communist regime are limited. The U.S. doesn't even have an embassy in the North, and now there is concern for the health of the two women.

The families' statement noted that Ling has a serious medical condition, a reference to her ulcer, and that Lee's 4-year-old daughter is showing "signs of anguish over the absence of her mother."

Lee and Ling, who work for former Vice President Al Gore's Current TV, were arrested March 17 near the China-North Korea border where they were reporting about the trafficking of women. It's unclear whether they tried to sneak into the North or if aggressive border guards crossed into Chinese territory and grabbed them, as has happened before.

Sources: The Associated Press, CBS News
Copyright © 2009

Tiny men with tiny dicks sentence U.S. journalists to 12 years in labor prison

Unbelievable, though expected.

I've been merciless with North Korea since my first story here about the missiles the communist country recently launched (Bullies in the Sky, May 27), so what can I possibly say now that these pricks have decided to show us how remarkably powerful they are by...

...harnessing the power of the Earth's core? Nope. Being the architects of world peace? Nope. Ending malaria and hunger in third-world countries? Nope. Building spaceships that can travel to distant galaxies free from the constraints of light speed? Nope. Jailing two female U.S. journalists for unspecified "grave crimes? Yup.

Yes, North Korea's top court has convicted reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee of "hostile acts" (what acts?) against the nation and illegally crossing into the North, and sentenced them to 12 years in labor prison, the country's state news agency reported Monday according to an AP report. Even rapists don't get that many years. WTF?

So we still don't know what "grave crime" or "hostile acts" they allegedly committed, and we still don't have proof that indeed they had crossed the border. So what did the prosecutors and judges do during this "trial"? Scratch their tiny balls with their pencils?

Lee (on the left) and Ling (right) cannot appeal as they were tried in North Korea's highest court where decisions are final. Nice touch.

"The trial confirmed the grave crime they committed against the Korean nation and their illegal border crossing as they had already been indicted and sentenced each of them to 12 years of reform through labor," state-run KCNA news agency said according to a BBC report.

The sentences are much harsher than what many observers had hoped for--which proves that observing and hoping in such cases is...let's see...useless?

The June 4-8 trial was not open to the public or to foreign observers. You know what? That's bullshit. Who's to say the little men with flimsy tiny dicks weren't playing Scrabble or some Korean card game while in the courtroom those four days?

The U.S. Embassy in Seoul said it had no immediate comment, AP reported.

The two journalists were arrested March 17 on the China-North Korean border while working on a report about the trafficking of women. It's unclear if they strayed into the North or were grabbed by aggressive border guards who crossed into China. The circumstances of the arrest have been shrouded in secrecy, as is typical of the reclusive nation, AP reported.

Some believe N. Korea will use the two women as bargaining chips in its standoff with South Korea and the U.S., which are pushing for U.N. sanctions to punish the nation for its latest nuclear blast and barrage of missile tests. We'll see...

The women's families have appealed for clemency and asked Pyongyang and Washington not to link the case to the current diplomatic stand-off between them, BBC reported.

I certainly hope--though hoping is futile, doing...doing is what it will take, except I'm not the one to do it--that it's not too late for someone more powerful, in other words, someone with a real dick, such as Hillary, to make a difference in this case. A minimum number of inches should be required to run a country, if you ask me.

Sources: The Associated Press, BBC, My Twisted Mind
Copyright © 2009

N. Korea says the South will trigger war

North Korea says it will retaliate against South Korea's decision to join a U.S.-led anti-proliferation program, noting S. Korea's decision to join the program would trigger a war on the Korean Peninsula.

It says South Korea will be "wholly accountable for the disastrous consequences as it has followed foreign forces."

*sigh*

I'm telling you--all they need are penile implants and end of story.

Source: BNO News

N. Korea might be using journalists to bargain

Ugh.

North Korea again.

Not my cup of tea, to say the least.

All week we've been hearing about the U.S. journalists North Korea arrested on March 17 while they were at the border of China and N. Korea reporting on the trafficking of women.

American TV reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee have been accused of illegally entering North Korea and unspecified "hostile acts." To this day we don't know whether they actually strayed into the North or were grabbed by border guards who crossed into China. Surely we can't expect N. Korea to be specific about the exact location and the so-called hostile acts--that would be totally unfair. Perhaps the women were chewing gum or wearing lipstick, and detaining them was matter of national security. Or maybe they had the audacity of asking why they were being arrested, which would no doubt be interpreted as a hostile act by phallocentric men with tiny dicks.

*sigh* As you must know by now, I have no patience for N. Korea and its bullying tactics.

Pyongyong, N. Korea's capital city, has yet to publicly announce the exact charges against the journalists, but South Korean legal experts say that a conviction for "hostility" (whatever this hostility is) or espionage (are you fucking kidding me?) could mean five to 10 years in a labor camp. Great.

N. Korea's latest wanna-be bold move was to announce the two journalists were about to go on trial and then sort of check out of the airwaves.

The "news blackout," as AP calls it, could mean the journalists are being used as "bargaining chips." The North might be dragging out their trial as the communist leadership waits to see what kind of sanctions Washington and the U.N. use to punish the nation for its latest nuclear blast and barrage of missile tests last week, AP reported Saturday.

So am I to understand that N. Korea is terrorizing these women and their families, not to mention the U.S., to avoid a UN spanking? Yet more proof of the lack of testicles evidently prevalent among North Koreans. These undated photos show Laura Ling, right, and Euna Lee, who have been imprisoned in North Korea since March. (AP Photo/Yonhap)

Koh Yu-hwan, a North Korean expert at Dongguk University in Seoul, said Pyongyang will likely free the reporters and treat their release as a goodwill gesture (goodwill my ass) that should be reciprocated with a special U.S. envoy visiting the isolated state, AP reported. "It shows how the North makes political judgments, which have nothing to do with laws," Koh said.

Yeah, they're probably expecting a Nobel Peace price for releasing the journalists. Ugh.

The criminal proceedings were supposed to begin two days ago, but instead the "secretive" nation's news agency today filed stories about Sweden's king, American "warmongers" and Syrian Embassy workers helping North Korean farmers weed bean fields. Are we supposed to be panicking now? Penis-less bullying.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Friday she was "incredibly concerned" about the plight of the two women, AP reported. In working for their release, Clinton said she has spoken with foreign officials with influence in North Korea and explored the possibility of sending an envoy to the North, but suggested that no one would be sent during the trial. I say we send them penile implants.

U.S. officials and others working for the reporters' release have said they've received no information about the defendants and even lacked independent confirmation about whether the trial has started, AP reported. The North has said the proceedings wouldn't be open to foreign observers, including Swedish officials who act as Washington's proxy in Pyongyang because the two countries do not have diplomatic ties. Well, of course not. Opening the proceedings to anyone but themselves is an outrageous expectation and, again, would be totally unfair.

If found guilty, the women won't be allowed to appeal because the case is being heard in Pyongyang's high court, where decisions are final, said Choi Eun-suk, a professor on North Korean legal affairs at the Institute for Far Eastern Studies at Kyungnam University in South Korea, AP reported. Isn't that convenient? It would also be convenient to send the much-needed penile implants aboard a long-range missile.

Choi said the reporters would likely be sentenced to more than five years but less than 10 years in a labor prison, AP reported. Then the negotiations with the U.S. would begin, he said. Then? Then the negotiations would begin? Are you fucking kidding me? Well, of course! The bargaining chip would be much bigger and valuable after a conviction.

Reportedly, that's how previous trials for Americans played out, according to the report. The most recent one involved Evan C. Hunziker, a man with alcohol, drug and legal problems. Apparently acting on a drunken dare, he swam across the Yalu River, which marks the North's border with China, and was arrested after farmers found the man, then 26, naked. He was accused of spying and detained for three months before being freed after negotiations with a special U.S. envoy. Yes, he was spying fish and bugs in the river.

In other words, anyone and everyone who for whatever reason ends up on N. Korea automatically is a spy. Phallocentric and paranoid little men with tiny dicks.

The N. Koreans wanted Hunziker to pay a $100,000 criminal fine but eventually agreed on a $5,000 payment to settle a bill for a hotel where he was detained. How gracious of them.

In another case, Venezuelan poet Ali Lameda was sentenced to 20 years in a labor camp in 1967 when he was working as a translator in Pyongyang. And guess what--he, too, was a spy! N. Korea charged him with spying, sabotage and infiltration, according to the AP report. During the one-day trial, it didn't present any evidence, formal charges or specific allegations but demanded Lameda confess his guilt. And get this: a defense lawyer was assigned to him, but the attorney gave a long speech praising the late North Korean leader Kim Il Sung before suggesting his client be sentenced to 20 years (WTF!!). Lameda was released after six years.

I may know diddly squat about N. Korea and its relations with the rest of the world, but if anything happens to those two journalists, the shit is going to hit the fan, and those dimwits can kiss their implants (and only hope to resemble real men) goodbye, if you ask me.

Sources: The Associated Press, My Twisted Mind
Copyright © 2009

Stew of News - Flight 447, doctor killer, GM bankrupt, N. Korea missiles, Boyle, passport rules

So I wake up to find a slew of news about an Air France plane missing somewhere in the Atlantic, North Korea getting ready to launch a long-range missile, GM filing for bankruptcy protection, Susan Boyle checking into some clinic, new U.S. border laws going into effect, and that's just what I've run into so far.

People can't get enough of the horrific, so let's start with the lost plane and an update on the Kansas murder.

Missing Air France jet "hit by electric fault"

An Air France passenger jet with 228 people on board headed for Paris is missing. The airline says it received a message from the plane signaling an electric problem while going through thunderstorms and turbulence. The plane left Rio De Janeiro last night and should’ve arrived in Paris early this morning. By now it would've ran out of gas. There is a search underway near the Brazilian island of Fernando de Noronha, but the search area is so huge, it could take weeks to find the plane...IF they find anything. The chance of fining survivors is next to none.

What a terrifying way to go down...

Distraught relatives and friends of passengers of Air France flight AF447 arrive at the crisis center at Charles deGaulle airport near Paris. (Gonzalo Fuentes/Reuters)

Air France Flight 447, an Airbus A330-200, left Rio on Sunday at 7 p.m. local time (2200 GMT, 6 p.m. EDT) with 216 passengers and 12 crew members on board. About four hours into the 11-hour flight, the plane sent an automatic signal indicating electrical problems while going through strong turbulence, Air France said.

The loss of a relatively new model of one of the aviation sector's most reliable and state-of-the-art aircraft has stunned analysts who say it would take extremely violent weather to bring down such a large jet, CNN reported

Former Airbus pilot John Wiley told CNN that speculation lightning had brought down the plane was likely to prove unfounded since most modern passenger aircraft were capable of withstanding direct strikes.

"Lightning issues have been considered since the beginning of aviation. They were far more prevalent when aircraft operated at low altitudes. They are less common now since it's easier to avoid thunderstorms," said Bill Voss, president and CEO of Flight Safety Foundation, Alexandria, Va., AP reported.

He told AP that planes have specific measures built in to help dissipate electricity along the aircraft's skin. "I cannot recall in recent history any examples of aircraft being brought down by lightning."

Experts said the absence of a mayday call meant something happened very quickly, AP reported.

"The conclusion to be drawn is that something catastrophic happened on board that has caused this airplane to ditch in a controlled or an uncontrolled fashion," Jane's Aviation analyst Chris Yates said.

Brazil's Air Force said the last contact it had with the Air France jet was at 1:36 GMT but did not say where the plane was then, AP reported

Killer of Kansas abortion doctor held without bond

Scott Roeder, 51, was being held in a Kansas jail Monday after being charged with first-degree murder in the killing of Dr. George Tiller Sunday at a church.

Roeder, who's being held without bond and expected to appear in court this week, is also charged with two counts of aggravated assault, CNN reported.

The suspect was a member of an anti-government group in the 1990s and a staunch opponent of abortion, the Kansas City Star reported Monday.

In the rear window of the 1993 blue Ford Taurus that he was driving was a red rose, a symbol often used by abortion opponents. Those who know Roeder said he believed that killing abortion doctors was an act of justifiable homicide, according to the report.

“I know that he believed in justifiable homicide,” said Regina Dinwiddie, a Kansas City abortion opponent who made headlines in 1995 when she was ordered by a federal judge to stop using a bullhorn within 500 feet of any abortion clinic. “I know he very strongly believed that abortion was murder and that you ought to defend the little ones, both born and unborn.”

OK...so...he thinks abortion is wrong because it's murder, so he murders someone. Sensible, as usual. Don't get me wrong--I'm not defending late-term abortion. To be honest, I can't even imagine it.

Tiller's clinic is one of three in the U.S. performing late-term abortions and the site of many protests. Tiller was shot by a protester 16 years ago, and the clinic was bombed in 1985.

The shooting prompted U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder to direct federal marshals to "offer protection to other appropriate people and facilities around the nation," according to a statement from the Department of Justice.

If it were not for the description the Wichita Police Department put out, "we wouldn't have paid any particular attention to him. He was following all traffic laws and everything," Lt. Mike Pfhannestiel of the Johnson County Sheriff's Office said according to CNN.

"We didn't find a weapon on him," he said. "We did not have a weapon on him."

Uh, oh.

Photo source unknown

GM files for bankruptcy protection

Century-old automaker legend GM is filing for bankruptcy in what will be the largest in the history of U.S. manufacturing. *sigh*

As part of the Chapter 11 reorganization, the US government will gain 60% stake in the new company, CNN and AP reported. Gain? The price tag for tax-payers: $30 billion. Who wants a stake in this company?

So what if GM is an icon? Who gives a fuck?

This is akin to keeping brain-dead people on life support to avoid emotional turmoil.

Bottom line: GM cars suck. If they didn't suck, they would've sold. They didn't sell because there are better and more economical cars on the market. It's survival of the fittest, my friends.

Frankly, it pisses me off (can you tell?) to watch these superstar corporations--overflowing with resources but apparently lacking common sense--dig their own graves only to be rescued by the government while the rest of us get fucked when the going gets rough.

Sure, why not yet again reward mediocrity? Let's bail out a company that we could do without. Let's pay for its mistakes while the ones who made the mistakes soak in their Jacuzzis and get pedicures.

Oh, but the jobs! you say. You're oversimplifying things! you say. Well...maybe. But maybe if nature was allowed to take its course, these failing companies would disappear and make way for stronger, healthier ones capable of generating more and better jobs. Plus, GM will cut 20,000 jobs and shut a dozen plants by the end of next year.

Just sayin'...

GM Graphic by The Cleveland Leader

North Korea still shooting for a longer penis

North Korea defiantly launched a few short-range missiles about a week ago, but the pleasure of such missiles was short-lived, so macho N. Korea is preparing to launch a long-range missile this time.

Reports say the regime is likely to test launch its most advanced missile, believed to be capable of reaching Alaska, from its west coast near China. Wow...I'm so turned on.

With this launch, the "reclusive" (penis-less) communist country could thumb its nose at U.N. Security Council attempts to rein it in after last week's nuclear test and a series of short-range missile launches, AP reported (minus the penis part of course).

One South Korean report said the launch could be ready by the time South Korean President Lee Myung-bak meets with President Obama on June 16. So?

The North reportedly has transported a long-range missile (wanna-be penis) to a newly completed launch pad. The Yonhap news agency said South Korea is studying an intelligence report that the North has ordered troops along the west coast to double their stocks of ammunition, but South Korea's Defense Ministry declined to confirm the report.

North Korea faced strong international criticism (a spanking) after its last long-range missile launch, on April 5. The North said the launch was of a rocket intended to put a satellite in orbit (Yeah, right). The Taepodong-2 rocket flew about 2,000 miles, crossing over Japan before crashing into the Pacific Ocean, AP reported. Must be an orbit at the bottom of the sea...

In late April, the North threatened to conduct nuclear and long-range missile tests unless the Security Council apologized for criticizing the launch. What? Oh, but of course! How do highly insecure people with an inferiority complex act? Like touchy victims with a superiority complex.

Sorry my friends...I have no tolerance for such tactics.

On Friday, North Korea threatened to take a further "self-defense" measure if the Security Council provokes it, AP reported. What fucking self-defense? Who's on the offensive here?

This is what happens when men are born with tiny dicks.

The North Korea government has told its people it faces imminent attack and has threatened everything from the new rocket launch to all-out war if the U.N. blockades Pyongyang, according to news reports. It claims it's being provoked by South Korea and the U.S., noting that the number of spy planes operating in its airspace has risen dramatically. *yawn*

"The U.S. imperialists and the South Korean puppets perpetrated at least 200 cases of aerial espionage against the DPRK in May, or 30 cases more than those in the same month of last year," penis-yearning N. Korea said in a report in its official Korean Central News Agency.

Blow me.

Susan Boyle hospitalized for exhaustion

Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle was taken to a London clinic for treatment following her second-place finish in Britain's Got Talent, according to several news reports Monday.

The 48-year-old charity worker was admitted to the Priory Clinic, which reportedly specializes in addiction recovery and mental health care, on Sunday.

Boyle was the favorite to win the finals, watched by more than 19 million people, after becoming a YouTube star following her first appearance on the show in April. By Friday, the pressure appeared to be building up on the shy singer, who reportedly went into seclusion after an emotionally charged incident with journalists from Britain's notoriously aggressive tabloids.

TV company Talkback Thames said Boyle was "exhausted and emotionally drained" and taking a few days off.

"She has been seen by her private GP, who supports her decision to take a few days out for rest and recovery," the company said. "We offer her our ongoing support and wish her a speedy recovery."

Britain's Sun newspaper reported that, after tears and a tantrum from Boyle, her handlers had to help her into an ambulance to get her to the clinic. OMG, what a scandal!

This is so freaking typical...and why most celebrities are certifiably nuts.

The public puts them up on a golden throne in the clouds one day and shoves them down below the stinking sewers the next. The average person cannot withstand these drastic mood changes, not to mention the relentless persecution by the mean-spirited tabloids.

"It's kind of what everybody's saying, really. I think it's taken its toll on her," Amanda Holden, one of the show's judges, said on The Early Show Monday.

"She's gone from a woman nobody knew to worldwide fame, and I think, for anybody in the business to handle that kind of stress is an enormous amount of pressure, and I think she probably has just crumbled under it," Holden said. "She will just need some time to recuperate and rest. And actually, it's probably a blessing she didn't win, because now the spotlight is not so heavily on her. So, perhaps now she can just relax and enjoy what's happening to her, rather than feel the pressure."

"She needs to get away from everyone...get away from the show, from the media, from the public, and just have a bit of downtime to herself to sleep," said Piers Morgan, also a judge in the show."

Boyle's first voice coach, Fred O'Neil, said Monday that the show seemed like "a great, great thing for Susan to do" but that he started to worry about her when it became "like an absolute media circus" around her house. "You really couldn't even drive down her street."

I wish SuBo a speedy recovery from this craziness. Peace of mind is priceless and much better than fame, if you ask me.

Photo source: susanboyletalent.com

Tighter U.S. border security requires passports

Coming back to the U.S. from Canada, Mexico, Bermuda or the Caribbean could be a headache if you don't have your passport with you, CNN reported.

Beginning today a rule known as the Western Hemisphere Travel Initiative takes effect requiring U.S. and Canadian citizens to present passports--or a very limited number of other travel documents--when entering the U.S. at land and sea borders.

Uh...I don't know about this. Surely the borders need to be better protected, but renewing a passport no longer costs $35, know what I mean?

Air travelers have been required to carry travel documents since January 2007, but the number of people crossing land borders is far greater, and the June 1 deadline is being viewed with some trepidation, especially in Canadian border communities where cross-border travel by citizens of both countries historically required minimal documentation, CNN reported.

The same rules will be in effect for U.S. residents attempting to re-enter the country at the southern border, and existing document requirements will remain in place for Mexican nationals wanting to enter the U. S., according to the report.

The rule was originally scheduled to take effect more than a year ago, but Congress delayed it amid complaints that people weren't prepared and that trade, tourism and commerce with Canada--our biggest trading partner--would be hurt.

The Department of Homeland Security says 80-90% of routine border crossers have the required documents, and new technology has been installed at all major border crossings to speed up passenger and pedestrian identification. In addition, the U.S. government is promising "soft" enforcement for the indefinite future, CNN reported.

But business and tourism groups aren't entirely at ease, saying this and other border restrictions are hurting regional commerce. Hardest hit, they say, are retail businesses and restaurants on both sides of the border as some shoppers opt to stay in their home countries rather than get travel documents. Tourist destinations also could be hit as families calculate the cost of getting passports.

So what will happen to U.S. citizens who attempt to re-enter the country without proper travel documents? Well, it turns out that the U.S. Constitution trumps all these new requirements, according to CNN's report.

"If you're a U.S. citizen, they're going to let you in," a Detroit Chamber source told CNN. "That's the little secret they really don't want you to know. Because if you're an American citizen, there may be a hassle at the border for the couple hours, but they're going to be letting you in."

Passport photo source: unknown

Sources: CNN, The Associated Press, CBS News, USA Today
Copyright © 2009

Bullies in the sky

Photo source: unknow North Korea appears to be preparing to test-fire its longest range missile. Photo: EPA

I don't normally follow war news. What for? It's the same old story, one that has been told continually since mankind appeared on this planet. Here's how that story goes: "I'm right. You're wrong. If you don't agree, I'll blow you up."

If we blow up, we blow up; if we don't, we don't. I don't need to hear the details to decide that war sucks. I don't need to know who said what when and how to be of the opinion that neither side is right or wrong in the absolute sense. That's just my opinion, of course. Feel free to disagree...

But, since we've been warned repeatedly that North Korea and not the Middle East would be the world's greatest threat "nuclearly" speaking, I figured I might as well post something, you know, for the record, in case we blow up.

In a nutshell: North Korea is huffing and puffing, displaying its military in all its glory hoping, we have to assume, to scare somebody.

North Korea warned South Korea and the United States on Wednesday that South Korea's participation in a U.S.-led program to intercept ships suspected of carrying weapons of mass destruction is equal to a declaration of war, AP reported.

How so very macho of them.

In a statement distributed by North Korea's Central News Agency, the North's military said it will respond with "immediate, strong military measures" against any attempt to stop and search North Korean ships under the Proliferation Security Initiative, according to AP's report. It added that it no longer considers itself bound by the armistice that ended the Korean War and accused the U.S., which signed the armistice, of "dragging" the South into the program under its "hostile policy" against the North, AP said.

North Korea also said it cannot guarantee safety for South Korean and U.S. navy ships sailing near the disputed western Korean sea border, according to the report.

Now, I'm really scared...Not!

South Korea announced its participation in the program Tuesday, one day after North Korea conducted a nuclear test, drawing international criticism, AP said. In other words: the shit started to sprinkle on the fan when them macho NK men launched five short-range missiles in two days, indicating it has restarted a weapons-grade nuclear plant.

Oh, I don't know, my friends...I read this stuff and in my mind I see a bunch of insecure bullies lining up in school hallways against locker-covered walls adjusting their tiny balls.

Sources: The Associated Press
Copyright © 2009, Primetime Oracle
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