Heidi Montag wrecks at Miss Universe pageant

All I can say is, OMFG! OMFG! OMFG!!!

How could they put her on air, and during a live broadcast? Didn't anyone--from her manager (is that her dumb fuck husband Spencer?), agent, the pageant people, NBC, Trump...someone for Xst sake!--notice that she can't dance at all? Not to mention the efforts at lipsynching an already shitty song sang with a shitty voice. Oh, dear...

It was painful to watch. She looked...watchamacallit...retarded. And the pants...WTF was that?!

That was no Ricky Martin. That was a monumental train wreck, if you ask me.



Source: YouTube

Speidi back in the jungle?

One of Speidi's cheesiest moments. (Photo pacificcoastnews.com)

Speidi just can't get enough of the jungle.

After several attempts to quit before officially leaving I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! on June 8, the The Hills stars are returning to the show again, US magazine reported Thursday.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will join the entire cast of the NBC reality series on the June 25 finale, a network source told US.

The last time the Pratts were in the Costa Rican jungle, Heidi was rushed to a local hospital to be treated for a gastric ulcer after spending the night in the "Lost Chamber."

When they return to the show, they will be joined by Heidi's sister, Holly Montag, who made her debut on the I'm a Celebrity last week when she took Speidi's place.

I really don't like this pair, but I think that for the first time in a looong time I'm acting like a normal person, slowing down to stare at the gruesome scene of a wreck. And I can take comfort in that .

Source: US Magazine

Have you had enough of Speidi?

Kevin Perkins/PacificCoastNews.com

This photo needs no comment.

E! Online wants to know if it should be a Speidi-free zone, asking viewers and readers to vote. Here's the link to the poll: Should E! be a Speidi-free zone?

Source: E! Online News

Cloudy days ahead for Speidi

OK, it's official. Speidi is crazy.

Not that it wasn't sort of official before, but let's just say that we knew they were morons. Now, don't get mad at me--I'm by no means the first person to call them morons; as a matter of fact, I'm probably one of the last ones to notice. And though I don't like name calling (except when it comes to sick fucks, then I really let my hair down) I, too, must face the truth.

And that is that they're beyond morons. They're nuts: certifiable-looney-tunes in urgent need of a hardcore reality check, which in their case would mean a day without media coverage of any kind, no paparazzi, no designer clothes and handbags, no uber-expensive sports cars, no celebrity makeup and hairstyling, no followers on Twitter.

I'm no psychiatrist, but doesn't the key difference between a sane and an insane person lie in soundness of mind, in the inability of the latter to be and stay in touch with reality? Based on that definition, my friends, I say the Pratts, a.k.a. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, a.k.a. Speidi, are bonkers.

So the reality TV, fame-seeking couple was interviewed by Today Show co-host Al Roker, and they should be thankful for the attention because despite their impression that they're A-list celebrities (no doubt due to their poor assessment of reality), they are nothing of the sort. What they are, in my humble opinion is a couple of buffoons who can't tell the difference between famous and infamous.

Heidi and Spencer had a few things to say to Al Roker after the interview, but they're still trying to figure out who he is.

Speidi thought he was too aggressive when he asked Heidi if she was proud of her behavior on NBC's I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here reality TV show being filmed in a bug-infested Costa Rican jungle. If you're not familiar with the show, check out Speidi: "The devil made us do it!" posted on June 4. (Above: Heidi Montag and Al Roker -- Getty Images/Extra composite)

"People keep on referring to this weatherman like I'm supposed to know who he is," Spencer told US magazine (oh, sweet jesus...). "So a shout-out to Weatherman, who I guess got to even hang out with us this morning."

One has to laugh...

Spencer thinks--and felt confident enough to say it out loud--that Al is lucky to have had the opportunity to be in their royal presence and "hang" with them, as though this interview would be pivotal in Al's career. Yes, Al Roker, NBC's Today Show Al Roker. The weatherman.

My friends, if this doesn't prove these two are out of their minds--out as in they ran out of anything resembling a mind-- then I don't know what will.

"This weather guy was definitely out of line, and he should stick to predicting cloudy days," Heidi told US. "Maybe someone rained on his little parade today."

*LOL!*

"Please do not be rude to women in the future," she said as a message to Al. "Please do not be rude to me. Please watch your tone, especially if you have a mother or a wife or a daughter. I don't think that they would appreciate you talking to them like that."

In her quest to be more like Mother Teresa (which she stated was her goal during a confessional at the jungle), she added: "I forgive you, you don't even have to ask me, I already forgive you. It's okay. The devil gets into all of us sometimes. You're forgiven. It'll be a sunny day tomorrow, Weatherman!"

Tuesday morning on the Today Show Al defended himself against allegations that he "persecuted" the Pratts. He told co-host Meredith Vieira, "I believe I asked what a lot people wanted to know."

Roker then slammed Speidi's fame: "There are a lot of celebrities who come on the show who've actually done something, who act civil."

In response to Spencer saying that it was only by the grace of God (lord have mercy on us all!) that he didn't physically attack the weatherman, Al said: "If he had tried to come across, I would have dropped him like a bag of dirt."

*ROFLMAO!*

Either Speidi gets some sort of smoke-upstairs-bigheaded-celebrity intervention, I'm afraid their next fashion statement to make the tabloids will be his-and hers straight jackets. Now, that's an idea for Chanel, if you ask me!

Source: US Magazine, ExtraTV, My Twisted Mind
Copyright © 2009

Heidi wasn't tortured on TV show--we were

Photo: No fucking comment

After many fake departures, Heidi and Spencer Pratt--a.k.a. Speidi--finally left the I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! reality TV show Monday night, this time not because the devil made them do it but because of illness.

Heidi left the Costa Rican jungle Saturday when she was hospitalized for a gastric ulcer after spending 14 hours in the "Lost Chamber," a room full of spiders to which the couple was sentenced as part of their punishment for quitting the show last week. At the hospital, Speidi decided to finally declare defeat in the competition, meaning their cast mates would not get to vote on whether or not the couple could stay.

The IQ-impaired pair left the show last week but later reconsidered, claiming the devil made them quit.

They did, too! Check out the June 4 story "The Devil Made Us Do It!"

They returned to the island with a new found faith in God, telling stories about vomiting out the devil's influence.

I swear to god I'm not making this up.

Speidi might be gone, but the couple will be represented by Heidi's sister, Holly Montag, who reportedly joins the cast Wednesday.

Meanwhile, as if news of vomiting the devil didn't generate enough publicity, Heidi's rep confirmed told US magazine Monday that she wasn't tortured on the set of the show.

Tortured? WTF?

"There have been many reports that surfaced over the weekend regarding Spencer and Heidi Pratt. Many of these reports are false and inaccurate, including any reports of 'torture' on the show," the rep said.

Well, I must be out of the loop cuz I didn't see anything about Heidi being tortured...but, then again, I normally pay not attention to the Pratts. I just couldn't resist the devil thing--it was impossible to ignore.

Apparently, it was Spencer's sister, Stephanie, who brought up the issue of torture on an update she posted on Twitter: "I'm really saddened to hear that NBC felt it was OK to punish Speidi [she, too, calls them Speidi!] so harshly and torture them as if they were criminals--that Heidi was...rushed to the hospital and has an IV in her arm after being locked in a dark room for 3 days with no food or water. Pls pray she will be OK."

From that to reports of torture is a leap. But things tend to leap in the jungle...

In any case, it would be difficult to come up with crazy shit like this without some sort of divine inspiration, so perhaps god was involved after all. I pray that the folks at Saturday Night Live will know what to do.

Sources: US magazine, Ledger-Enquirer.com, My Twisted Mind
Copyright © 2009

Speidi: "The devil made us do it!"

It's official. Speidi is back.

After a number of conflicting reports surfaced in the media, it's official that celebrity wanna-be's Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are returning to the jungle in Costa Rica to complete their run on NBC's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

The married couple had already tried to quit the NBC reality show twice, and went as far as planting decoys at the Los Angeles International Airport to give the illusion that they had returned home, Ryan Seacrest said in his website Thursday.

Planting decoys? Ugh...

Life in the jungle is really getting to Spencer.

In a deleted scene from Monday's show, he went off (again) on comedian Angela Shelton and pro-wrestler Torrie Wilson for (get this) defacing a bottle of wife Heidi's shampoo, US magazine reported.

"Why would you do that? How dare your disrespect my wife's possessions like that," screamed Spencer, who is rumored to be working on a shampoo line.

“This is a billion dollar brand!" he went on. "I want a billion dollars from them! I want a $100 million for the label and a billion for the branding!"

“As soon as we get some paper and a pen, we can write something down," said a fellow cast member.

"IOUs! I just want an IOU...on paper, or on a tree! Spencer yelled back."

The Pratts, who quit the show after Monday's show, apologized for leaving Wednesday night.

"The devil got to us and said, 'Get out of the jungle'," Heidi explained. "[But] it's not even about us. It's about the charity, and it's about the experience here, and we really took that for granted."

Thursday night the remaining cast members will vote on whether the Pratts should stay, US reported.

Their childish antics will not go without consequences, according to Paul Telegdy, NBC's executive vice president of alternative programming. In an exclusive statement to Ryan Seacrest, Telegdy explained how Speidi will be dealt with back in the jungle:

"They are everything that's wrong with America...they are insincere, lazy, entitled and they claim the devil has possessed them.

They are back and this time they are contrite...yeah right. What they don't realise is that they are now going to be examined and their value system utterly deconstructed.

They are going to spend the night somewhere in isolation and guarded with lots of surprises...but not traditional reality [stunts].

These people really are going to bare their souls."

"Wow," posted Seacrest. "How do you really feel Paul? We can wait to see what he's talking about!" The show airs Monday through Thursday, 8/7c on NBC.

Can you believe these dunces are claiming the devil made them leave? In the show, Heidi is heard preaching about Jesus and Halleluyah-ing this and that while continually--I mean, nonstop--spraying who knows what on her jungle hair given the lack of hair dryers and flat irons, on which she depends for her daily bread.

I'm sorry, my friends, but I find Heidi's pseudo-religiousness repulsive.

Earlier this week, while in the show, she told the camera--with a straight face, mind you--that what's important to her is to God, Jesus, what's inside, her soul...that her goal is to be like Mother Teresa (I'm not making this up!), help people...that clothes and things and looks don't matter...

Are you fucking kidding me?

Left: Heidi in Chanel shorts and bracelet, Dior shoes and Valentino tote. Wanna guess how many thousands of dollars this "casual" outfit costs?

Then why the hell is she prancing around Hollywood in obscenely expensive designer wear, not only in an attempt to convince herself and others that she's an A-list celebrity, but to get paid by the designers for parading in front of the paparazzi in these outfits. In what shape or form does that resemble Mother Teresa?

Hey, Heidi--this is how it's done:

Copyright © 2009, Primetime Oracle
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